I am here in France for over 5 months and still can't give the 'bisous' (for those who are verbally
There is this weird thing about me and getting too close to any female without the obvious nasty intentions... any other dude would love to be in my shoes...air kissing away to glory...
I somehow seem to not be able to adapt myself socially. I have always been this way I guess. When it came to wearing clothes apt for a gathering or doing something with a social circle that i wasn't used to i would within the first 15 minutes (to be lenient to myself) prove to be the incongruous bastard of the group. Ask anyone who has spent 20 minutes talking to me, and he will have one word or rather a flurry of words all synonymous of the same word - BASTARD.
So, once i came to this conclusion about my social self, after input from many *ahem* associates, i was distraught. I am going to graduate soon and was wondering how is it possible to find a job in the existing market (i.e) without staying for more than 15 minutes per interview?
At first the bright idea that I had was to write BONAFIDE MUTE under qualifications and not send the CV to call centers. Marketing as a mute person would be really hard in any given scenario.
SO, the next possible option that i had was to maybe figure out what was wrong with me and then go ahead and change it (social awkwardness causing thing witch hunt). So I did some soul searching (believe me, i did some soul searching) and guess what?
The single most overbearing factor about my attitude that sticks out like a sore thumb is MY OPINION. I love having a contra-opinion to whatever the subject may be.
Supposing I was at a party... everybody is happy, we are all popping bottles and bottles of whatever and suddenly -
Mr X says " I think that the IRAQ war is an atrocity. It is a crime against every Human right that exists."
I would immediately retort "I agree that it is a crime on Human rights, BUT(!) it doesn't mean that as a country you can't do what it takes to secure the future and well-being of your nation..."
I swear, try saying this to a bunch of heady-drunk-intoxicated dudes and this would go on for about 3 hours. The fight ends with "Man, you're such a friggin bastard"
It is not that I have issues with the Iraq war or whatever. I might even not believe what i said. It is just that I love disagreeing with people. It is not what my convictions are based on, I am always ready for a duel of words. Most of the subjects I 'duel' about, I personally don't give a fuck about. I really don't. I usually have no opinion about such things.
Some sort of sick pleasure I attain by watching people confused and utterly disgusted by my remarks. (I once spent 2 hours trying to prove that Paris Hilton is a wretched whore and not a business mastermind - ended with someone swearing at me and almost an accident next to Hyatt Regency in Sand City)
But given an opportunity i would just love to go on about what a wonderful business model Sand city has pursued, systematically wrecking millions of people and stock markets across the globe. If someone came along and agreed with me, I would then go on about the inhuman and draconian laws that Sand city has even though I love the place beyond anywhere else.
Now that i had the root of my social awkwardness pointed out by myself. Step 2 was to root it out of my system.
- a) not talking to people - still socially awkward when somebody says "hey dude, did you read the news about Minarets in Switzerland?" and all you do is raise your hand and open your mouth (looking very much like Han Solo when he was frozen in Carbonite) to just sit down and light a smoke soon after. STILL AWKWARD
- b) Changing the topic "talking about minarets, it is amazing how fast one can read through Chicken soup for the Expecting soul." STILL AWKWARD.
- c) Answering with famous movie quotes - "I'm a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker" or " Are you talking to me??" - STILL LOONEY
- d) Try to imitate an anime character surprised or perplexed - STILL AWKWARD
I just realized that knowing who is there to have fun with and being with that person was the most important thing i could have is what i should have written at the end of this one.
But, you know what, life sucks when you barely know people or go for parties...
I still don't give a fuck about what people think of me. If they don't get to know me, their loss...i barely give a shit.
JB signin off...
P.s : i love love love stikethrough...and italics.
P.P.S : i think i found a muse. myself alone.