Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My awesome social life.

Awkward - The word that best describes the style of my social exchanges.

I am here in France for over 5 months and still can't give the 'bisous' (for those who are verbally not gay/awkward not french, bisous is the french equivalent of the ARAB air kiss thingy while they meet) to any female acquaintance without feeling like I am about to belch out last night's chicken curry and ghee rice (faux-ghee of course).

There is this weird thing about me and getting too close to any female without the obvious nasty intentions... any other dude would love to be in my shoes...air kissing away to glory...

I somehow seem to not be able to adapt myself socially. I have always been this way I guess. When it came to wearing clothes apt for a gathering or doing something with a social circle that i wasn't used to i would within the first 15 minutes (to be lenient to myself) prove to be the incongruous bastard of the group. Ask anyone who has spent 20 minutes talking to me, and he will have one word or rather a flurry of words all synonymous of the same word - BASTARD.

So, once i came to this conclusion about my social self, after input from many *ahem* associates, i was distraught. I am going to graduate soon and was wondering how is it possible to find a job in the existing market (i.e) without staying for more than 15 minutes per interview?

At first the bright idea that I had was to write BONAFIDE MUTE under qualifications and not send the CV to call centers. Marketing as a mute person would be really hard in any given scenario.

SO, the next possible option that i had was to maybe figure out what was wrong with me and then go ahead and change it (social awkwardness causing thing witch hunt). So I did some soul searching (believe me, i did some soul searching) and guess what?

The single most overbearing factor about my attitude that sticks out like a sore thumb is MY OPINION. I love having a contra-opinion to whatever the subject may be.

Supposing I was at a party... everybody is happy, we are all popping bottles and bottles of whatever and suddenly -

Mr X says " I think that the IRAQ war is an atrocity. It is a crime against every Human right that exists."

I would immediately retort "I agree that it is a crime on Human rights, BUT(!) it doesn't mean that as a country you can't do what it takes to secure the future and well-being of your nation..."

I swear, try saying this to a bunch of heady-drunk-intoxicated dudes and this would go on for about 3 hours. The fight ends with "Man, you're such a friggin bastard"

It is not that I have issues with the Iraq war or whatever. I might even not believe what i said. It is just that I love disagreeing with people. It is not what my convictions are based on, I am always ready for a duel of words. Most of the subjects I 'duel' about, I personally don't give a fuck about. I really don't. I usually have no opinion about such things.

Some sort of sick pleasure I attain by watching people confused and utterly disgusted by my remarks. (I once spent 2 hours trying to prove that Paris Hilton is a wretched whore and not a business mastermind - ended with someone swearing at me and almost an accident next to Hyatt Regency in Sand City)

But given an opportunity i would just love to go on about what a wonderful business model Sand city has pursued, systematically wrecking millions of people and stock markets across the globe. If someone came along and agreed with me, I would then go on about the inhuman and draconian laws that Sand city has even though I love the place beyond anywhere else.

Now that i had the root of my social awkwardness pointed out by myself. Step 2 was to root it out of my system.

I tried
  • a) not talking to people - still socially awkward when somebody says "hey dude, did you read the news about Minarets in Switzerland?" and all you do is raise your hand and open your mouth (looking very much like Han Solo when he was frozen in Carbonite) to just sit down and light a smoke soon after. STILL AWKWARD
  • b) Changing the topic "talking about minarets, it is amazing how fast one can read through Chicken soup for the Expecting soul." STILL AWKWARD.
  • c) Answering with famous movie quotes - "I'm a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker" or " Are you talking to me??" - STILL LOONEY
  • d) Try to imitate an anime character surprised or perplexed - STILL AWKWARD
So i didn't have a solution for my social awkwardness. As a matter of fact, i still don't.

I just realized that knowing who is there to have fun with and being with that person was the most important thing i could have is what i should have written at the end of this one.

But, you know what, life sucks when you barely know people or go for parties...

I still don't give a fuck about what people think of me. If they don't get to know me, their loss...i barely give a shit.

JB signin off...

P.s : i love love love stikethrough...and italics.
P.P.S : i think i found a muse. myself alone.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

പടനം /Studies/ पदाई

Its that time of the year again... the dreaded (and oxymoronically) the most looked forward to period in an academic year are here. Its almost the end of the semester. That means it is Exam time. Possibly the last one such stint i have in India.

Why is looked forward to? The long seemingly never ending (but never starting) summer break begins the day after the examinations...(this year i have 4 months to while away).

But not losing track, exam time has its own special meanings for all of us. So i thought up about what all it could mean and came up with a small list of stuff that i do in and around an examination schedule...

1) It means its obviously time to run to the nerd in class and beg him to part with his notes for an hour or so, so that i can get my share of studying done by photocopying his notes. Then possibly never see the photocopy again till half an hour before the exam and wish I had studied at least the previous night.

2)I will very soon find the latest Anime torrent i like and start downloading it. Downloads will be super fast and what takes more than a month to downloaded will be downloaded in a matter of days from a Japanese super fast nerd computer. I will finish that anime on the last nite of study holidays for the very last examination.

3)Daydreaming will overtake (in terms of priority) everything else. EVERYTHING ELSE becomes of secondary importance.(EG : Breathing, eating, talking etc)

4) I will have amazing conversations with my roomies with whom i hardly connect and then spend some of the sweetest days in Chennai. I will soon regret this and stop talking to them alltogether.

5) All humans of the opposite sex become sexually much more receptive to a noob like me only during the examination period. Some crazy fucker once said stress makes mammals homosexual. I believe they make them blind and willing to take anything of the opposite sex as well.

6) Alcohol suddenly seems to be very accessible (financially) and i become very tempted to use all my money for that one purpose. I succumb to my temptation. After which i soon resort to begging for a pen to write my examination. Which i don't get. And we know the rest of this drill...

7)Examinations are always a source of inspiration for me to blog about some random topic. I always end up losing my writer's block and can write articles at the drop of a hat (i had to google this one out)...But then there are the articles which i need to write for marks in the exam. That still falls under serious writer's block issues....

9) I have serious mommy issues. I miss my mom and the rest of my family the most (for no reason) during my exams. I keep calling them, mailing them etc. I have issues of talking to somebody all the time, especially people from the family. I end up not studying. I tell them i didnt do well in the examinations. They stop talking to me. And its a vicious circle....

10) Exams means one thing more for me : Lady luck is on overtime...

JB Signin off...


P.s : lemme know what crazy shit u guys do...

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Unchanging Realities

I am 21 years old. An adult by law. I have the right to drink. I have the right to frequent nightclubs. I have been given these rights with a viewpoint that I can, for the first time since i was born, think for myself. Or rather, think straight for myself.

Mohammad Ajmal Amir Iman is a 21 year old too. He too by law can drink and frequent nightclubs. He too has been determined by law to be able to think straight. To think for his betterment.

He is also known as Ajmal Kasab. He decided to shoot innocents instead.

What made him not live like any other 21 year old? What made him pick up that gun?

These are the questions one must ponder about. I am not in any position to answer these questions. I think its poverty, or maybe the desire to become politically active. It may be brainwashing by a few cunning people. It is most likely to be a mixture of all of these.

What i want to understand is whether people like Kasab are a new phenomenon? Is it normal for young people to commit mindless acts in the name of any ideology? Do we have any historic records of young people like me wanting to kill innocents?

I am not in any way supporting or endorsing what Kasab did. I will never endorse what ever it is that anyone does if it involves the lives of the innocent.

Youngsters are the most susceptible to the concept of revolution. For example Chhatrapathi Shivaji, one of the greatest warriors India has ever seen was a rebel. He invented Guerrilla warfare. He was only 17 when he first attacked and captured Torna Fort.

Che Guevara, another revolutionary. Went against governments in South America and armed and formed an army for this purpose. Was branded a terrorist. Believed in an ideology. Everything began with a single trip.

Isn't Kasab's belief in an ideology making him pick up a gun? He must be surely thinking he is a Che, or a Sivaji or maybe even a Bhagat Singh (of his own making obviously).

The thing that is common to all of these men whose names i have stated is that they see around themselves a lot of pain, oppression and poverty. This makes them lose their belief in the ideology they always knew. They start seeking solace in other ideologies. Some promise equality, some others promise freedom and some promise heaven.

Man is always going to be oppressed by his own kind. There is no possible way that there could have been a day since 1900 that some one wasn't warring with some one. It has reached a scenario that we are able to get used to this fact as time goes by.

Man is a creature of habits. He does not learn from his mistakes. Human History seems to be a cycle of events changing names every cycle. As George Santayana once said,

"Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement: and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
We are living in a world that grows lesser and lesser safer for everyone. As time goes by there are more and more chances that one's lifespan is getting shorter. Mega Corporations trying to poison you, Terrorists trying to blow you up, Politicians trying to whore you, and so many other things. If you manage to survive every one of these events, you are most likely to be a victim of the ever so magnifying issue of Global warming.

For every problem solved, man is able to create something or the other.

When the Berlin wall fell on August 23rd 1989, the world rejoiced. By April 1996 Israel had finished building most of the Israel - Gaza Strip Barrier. Doesn't anyone realize?

Every wall built will be torn down. For every wall torn down, a new one is erected somewhere else. I know it sounds like a cheesy rip off of the laws of motion. But that is the reality of life. If someone is freed someone else pays for it by losing their freedom.

Men are always going to fight amongst themselves. He needs not a reason. He is sure to make one up. There is no ideology that will appease us all. We slowly will end everything. Sooner or later.

Signin off...


Monday, November 24, 2008

In search of the Inspiratory/Unfindable Muse

Again, i cease to be able to write. All over again, especially when i thought with the last post i will be able to write. All over again. At times i wonder what is wrong with me?(again for the umpteenth^umpteenth time, i ask myself this question on this same blog. All over again I seem to be fixated with this very normal expresson this time

Maybe it is not what is wrong with me, instead it is what maybe wrong with what i have in life...or maybe it is what i don't have. 

What i realized i lacked is  - "A MUSE"

(I swear the clouds just cleared all over again) 

So, the day I realized what I lack in my life, I decided to search for the ultimate in all available muses. 

First i tried finding human muses. Looked into my wife...not happening since we seem to fight once every 3 days (don't ask why). NOTE : MUSES and their MUSERS dont fight a lot. The Muser is always amused with his muse. That is exactly why they don't fight much.

Then i tried looking into more primitive forms of humans (they are called myroommates) and found out that to be able to muse upon a muse, the muse needs a certain level of intellect, ie an IQ which may be above 50 or so. so you see the obvious problem arose...I wasnt vegetable enough.

Then i took my search to a new level. If i can include my hare-brained vegetable IQ roommates, why not look at animals? So, i decided to look upon the magnificient creatures on 4 legs for answers, inspiration and intellect. 

First stop, DOGS - too darned scared of them. 
CATS - too darned scared of me. 
PIGEONS - they shit on my bike. Muses never shat on their owners properties...unless and until you are a big fan of 2 Girls 1 cup ,you wouldnt want your muse shitting on stuff (including yourself).

After exhausting the possible wildlife in the jungle Chennai, i decided the muse of all muses must be an inanimate object. Like Archimedes had a bathtub for inspiration to run naked and invent some stupid theory, i also would find the muse of all muses. 

Hence my quest started. First object of affection was the bike and in a bitter attempt to make my humble steed the mother muse, i took  her and a certain wife for a long ride. We visited 2 beaches and were on our way back when my probable-muse decided that to make things more interesting by shredding her timing chain breathing her last breath and sputtering to lifelessness. I couldn't make her my muse if i had to push her 160kg ass on two wheels every time i needed inspiration...

I left the thought of making an inanimate object as my muse with the first round of auditions itself.

Then the beautiful thought arose. (heavenly arc music fades out) WHY NOT MAKE MYSELF MY MUSE? With that, all i needed to do was to look in the mirror and i could become inspired. I had hit the mother of all muses. Myself. I had a muse which didn' t need any more maintenence than myself. So, i lock the room one night and decide to look at myself for inspiration...

Oh my god, is that another pimple? Why is my nose covered with those spots?Would i look good in Chuck's hairstyle? Or is mine good anyways? when will i have a complete beard? am i a little too puny for my age? Maybe i am hot...

That above set of statements more or less explain my train of thought. I found a narcissist when i searched for a muse. This led to a situation that can only be explained by making up a latin sounding phrase - STALEMATIFIED MAJORCUS.

Then i took a cigarette and started smokin. By the end of the smoke, i had my eureka moment. Why not make up an entire entry on the search for the invisible muse? 

I found my muse : it costs me Rs 4 + lung cancer treatement charges...

JB signin off...


Sunday, September 28, 2008


Confesssion of the day : I am a News Whore.

This means that i spend a ot of my free time just reading articles and watching News channels (only problem now is the lack of a television). I end up reading the weirdest stuff and sometimes the most unimportant stuff. For example i do know what is happening in the U.S presidential elections on a day to day basis. I have screenshots of Sarah Palin's(who??) Inbox which i downloaded from wiki leaks.

I know that there is a don't use the beach in Dubai warning now. I know now that 243,112,609-1 (it has thirteen million digits) is the largest prime number found so far (atleast it is claimed to be so). But i have no idea why i have to know. This problem has become a major issue in my life after the news service Google news has been on. It is like a newspaper of newspapers only reporting what you want to be reported. 

what i don't understand is why i need to know all this. Actually what i don't understand is why we need to know so much of everything. Sometimes i feel that a lot of the important stuff gets buried under this heap of information. 

In the past the main problem used to be that very little information used to be there about anything. Now i feel that the problem is that we have to much information on everything. I haven't found a single subject on earth which doesn't have a wikipedia page. you can even search for Nungambakkam on wikipedia and find an article on it. Im not even starting off about google.

Sometimes i am led to believe that the internet is a bad thing. Okay, not entirely true. But too much of the internet is definetely bad for a human being. I know people who spend 10 hours of their day on Facebook. Everyday (more on sundays). I have a roommate who i talk to only in college because he is stuck to his laptop and i am to mine whenever we at home. I have an ever so whiny girlfriend ( if the girlfriend reads this read it as : sweet beautiful pretty sensible girlfriend)  who complains that i spend too much time on the laptop now.

People have become more locked up with the internet. (Now, it's time for a cliche) People seem to know random people from halfway acrooss the globe and not know who lives across the hallway in their buildings. Even if one wanted to know who lives in the other apartment, he would be too busy shagging with Maria from Venezuela via webcam. 

Another evil is the whore of a site called Facebook. You can call it by many names. Orkut and Facebook being the popular names for it. Social networking is the biggest whore on earth. One can see that horny paedophilic teenagers are lusting after you sister on her wall and scrapbook. you can find your loved one flirting under the blanket of anonymity. You can see weird status messages like "I miss you are my free bird...". you choose to meet people on these sites rather than in person over a cup of coffee.

And you can even look pretty. 
People post these ultra cool images of themselves on these sites (im not that hot there either). You really think that you havve met the hottest of them all there and then you realize that 'oooops...she is not an Ayesha Takia lookalike...that picture was Ayesha Takia herself '

Not everything about it is bad...the other i found my long lost pet Iguana Thongface and send her a message. She reached the Borneos. She is happy and married to another Iguana called FishSticks from Germany. I saw their pictures. That is the best part of social networking. You can find anybody and be found by anybody there. even if you hate that person or vice versa.


I am usual nobody pays attention to me or what i say in the real world (i mite just be too intellectual for them or maybe a lil too talkative) and i rant that out here...

Other evils of the great advent of technology may be this blog you are reading (u must have wasted 3 minutes of your life reading this * +5 for retards like me...-1 for geniuses who realize what the are going through by the 120th second and discontinue)....
one of these days i am going to come up with a real blogpost....not stupid shit like this...

JB signin off....


Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Today, i turned 21.

21 means a lot of things to a lot of people.

For me it is another normal year. I just feel a lot older. Gone are the aspirations of becoming a taxi driver or a garbage collector just because it was cool. In is financial woes and balancing a budget. Along with the aspiration of an MBA and all that jazz.

21 in India is the legal age for entering into matrimony for males (i am a male, i can prove that...if you are a girl, give me a call). 21 is the legal clubbing age across the entire world (i hope so). 21 is the legal age to drink as well. So, technically i should be happy that i am 21.

But why am i not? Maybe this is the fucked up part in me. Sometimes i wish i could be a kid all over again. Sometimes i wish otherwise.

Today is one such day where i wish i could be innocent. where i would have no worries. all i want to do is play cars with mini cars and remote controls and make a huge 'traffic jam line of cars' thingy. Maybe that is why i made it a point to be as childish as i could be on 24th September 2008.

Somehow i feel that today was my last day of being a child. And i used it to its full potential.

Enough of that emotional crap.

Things that normal people do on their 21st birthday that i felt was not needed:
1) a bath
2) wear clean clothes
3) Celebrate
4) not work

this list could go on for ages and i could come up with wild things that wouldn't make any sense. so i decided to stop here.

So what did i do on the first day of my 21st year on earth? Nothing that i did was spectacular. at least voluntarily. Otherwise i got kicked on my bum while suspended from air. Egg smacked while being blindfolded. and a chocolate cake that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEDA FUCKER.
Don't ask me what Yeda means...

I wonder what one should actually feel on their 21st year of life? I don't feel serious enough to be an adult. not childish enough to be a kid. I don't feel rebellious anymore. Not too horny these days. it feels like a limbo. somewhere between childhood, teenage hood and adulthood. There should be a manual that says "THINGS TO DO AND THINK ABOUT @ 21"

I still feel 20. sometimes even 19. i have definitely become more un stupid. i stopped playing with people's feelings. i am smoking a lot these days. i am not slightly homosexual. i am concerned about people. I am not that angry anymore. I have started loving 'The Brady Bunch'. I have stopped daydreaming. I am in a relationship for almost a year.

So i guess i am a mixture of all those years i have passed. Maybe everyone is a little bit of every year. When i speak in different voices and believe that my turtle can reply,I must be 4. When i dream of flying and conversing with superheroes i must be 6. When i am thinking of watching FTV and ahem, i must be 15. When i sit down and laugh at my first time smoking/driving/school i must be 19. When i sit down and laugh at stupid rivalries and gangster-giri i must be 20. When i care about other people and life and how to change the world to make it a better place, i must be 21. Or maybe there is more to 21 than that.

I don't know what this year holds for me. Soon enough i will feel like an uncle. Another 21 years will pass and i will remember all this. maybe i wont. Whatever this year holds, i am sure that i will have many more memories of friends, families and lot of other things. Good, bad or outright
ugly, here i come 22...

Uncle MeE

JB signin off...

PS : I'm a bit rusty, so forgive me for this bullcrap.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Waiting for the moment

Waiting…that’s what life seems to be all about. Just waiting. Waiting for the right moment to make a grand entrance in to this not so grand world…waiting for the right moment to start crawling, walking, talking, schooling, shagging…and other waits such as for a passport, visa, flight, bus, friends, teenage hood, adulthood…

Other sorts of not so pleasant types includes scenarios such as being constipated (I hope the reader can work out the wait by himself/herself ), for either person to say sorry after a fight, wait in line in a booze shop across the road from home with an inquisitive family peeking out every second, wait for the results of a series of 3 hour examinations that are going to decide the choices and outcomes of life (at least the financial aspects of it)…

Some waiting situations (if I can call it that!) are really lame and non understandable…one is waiting for moving from first base to the second and the agonizingly desperate one for the move on to the third base and then the really fucked up wait for the attainment of “the feeling of being CONSUMMATED”…then there is the really non understandable agonizing wait for the menstrual cycles of one’s girlfriend (this can be avoided by the use of protection) or the wait for them to get over (this happens with the use protection)…the more serious but equally non understandable wait for the results of medical tests testing life threatening diseases and conditions…

How does one decide how long to wait for something? At least for situations which maybe in control? Who decided that a human being has to wait for 16-20 years to have a smoke (depending on which country from which one is and always the question or answer of underage smoking is there)…and the same applies for drinking as well… it just cannot be understood that a person should wait for years on endlessly because the government decides so.

The whole conspiracy of the government is to not make people idle. I am sure the UN and every nation on the face of the planet has an agency (more covert than the M16, Mossad and Al-Qaeda put together) which is called UnIdle Citizen Agency (U.C.A) which has an aim of making people not idle enough to realize their government is stupid and all the synonyms related. That is why they have age bars for everything. If it weren’t for the endless lusting for a driver’s license and that of legal smoking, drinking, clubbing and so on today’s youth would be more sensible and would actually do something productive…it’s just a conspiracy folks…

The stupidest wait in the world is that of getting married…I keep wondering if marriages are made in heaven, does it mean that the date (as in legally marriageable age) is decided by the government?

What makes us wait? Why do we have to wait for everything? If somebody would take a statistic on people waiting for something or the other and figure out a percentage of our lives spent on just plain old waiting, it would be amusing and equally disturbing...another equally pointless waste of precious little time on earth is SLEEPING (according to me, the InsOmNiAc)...

Some other day, some other time...this hot chick in a sari is calling me...(read : AIR HOSTESS ABOVE THE 40 YEAR AGE MARK)

All this while waiting in the boarding lounge in Sri Lanka for 3 hours...

JB signin off…


(added later) an even more agonizing waiting I had the luxury of experiencing was the 1.5 hour wait for my two suitcases in Calicut International Airport…they decided to use 1 baggage belt for 4 flights when they had two more belts lounging aroundnow, do you believe the UCA exists?

JB signin off...


Saturday, April 05, 2008


What the fuck (WTF?) is happening to me???It's been so darned long since i actually wrote something.
I don't even feel like logging onto anymore.
I don't know why...i just don't write anymore...

Its more like i cant write anymore...I've got this major writer's block or rather BLOGGER's block. I am trying to cure it - you will notice from the written content below.

I am at 503, Suruthi Block, Choolai Medu, Chennai - that is the bachelor pad/fuck shack/ovenishly hot apartment that i live in nowadays. And as usual I'm alone and a bordering insomniac... nothing seems to have changed...sometimes everything seems to have changed.

The little blogger clock next to the save button says 'Draft autosaved at 1:52 AM'... i guess that sums up the time that i am entering this blog...

Now whoever reads this (if anyone reads this!) might be wondering...what the fuck (wtf?) happened after The Fast and the Fucked : Manipal Drift? Where is the sequel?

Ans : I did have a sequel for it ready even before the i uploaded Manipal Drift, but i did not get enough time or rather did not have the inclination toward uploading it.

Until today. But i still wont be uploading it because i think i still need to refine the article a little bit. Fuck that...thats just another empty promise i make...i seem to make only empty promises these days.

Today is the birthday of a person who is one of the human being's i am the closest to.

And hence, I am wallowing and drowning myself in guilt right now.

So why the guilt?

I did not call him.

I am evil...undeserving...obnoxious...self centered...

I am myself.

Why didn't I???

Ans : I was out and enjoying at one of the coolest (read lamest) joints in Chennai called Mocha with my girlfriend ( a new one since the last entry...the usual), a new friend (once again a new one since the last entry), a couple of British people and Swedes (seriously speaking, Swedish chicks aren't that hot..). I forgot to recharge the dumb phone of mine which is forever out of credit. I realized by 11:30pm that i need to recharge...but then Chennai sleeps by 10:30 or, if you live in a late activity zone...(i wonder where whores in Chennai recharge late at night in case of an emergency or something?)

Fuckin shit...screw that..why should i make my new entry so boring...

Meanwhile, i checked out my little visitor counting thing on the page and saw that somebody accidently grazed onto this page last week...the 28th of march...whoever that good soul is, i thank that person for this momentary highness...if you could do that more often, i could kinda try getting off weed...or maybe even booze...maybe even cigarettes...what the fuck, i'll even stop fantasizing about those hot little bikini clad chicks...

the last one, i won't.

SO here i am...awaiting my next trip to Dubai...which is 16 days away. only 16 days away. after spending one and a half years ( a few days short of) doing this...16 days with 5 exams embedded in them feels like a nice fart. a nice fart like the one that comes after having a wholesome biryani at home. a nice fart like the one that you have when in a lift full of people.

I just checked out the preview of this entry...holy fucking crap...if you have read this far...i am amazed at your diligence and patience. I could institute a JB and Nobel Prize for Patience and give it to you for the next 50 years or so...

the writing next to the SAVE NOW button says Draft autosaved at 2:21 AM. I have almost spent 30 minutes and i haven't written anything substantial...I should stop writing. I should stay off the internet.

I wish life had one of those SAVE NOW buttons for life. Every time i did something right, I could hit that little button and then that would say Life saved at 2:23 PM. I think it could say Life saved at 2:24 PM, said NO to endless supply of free weed for life.

Then when you rethink this whole thing and say Yes to the same thing at 2:25 PM and then go on and smoke your brain cells dead in the next 3 years, you could just hit reset and start at the saved part again...just like in the games...then i think that there will be a missing portion in your fuck the SAVE NOW button...

I am bored... i came online...wrote some shit sbout some shit on my blog, some shit that i was thinking about..some shit i was not thinking about, some delusional fantasies of this schizo bordering crippled fantasy oriented mind of mine... and now i feel like stopping. i feel like deleting this whole thing i have written.

But i wont...

because :

Draft autosaved at 2:34 AM

I have SPENT more than half an hour doing this... i cant hit delete...thats why.

Maybe because i want to feel alive once again...this is my way of feeling alive - by letting people know that i am alive.

By writing and seeing my writing, i know that some part of me is living.




I am Back. I don't know for how long. maybe this is the last you will see from me for the next 355 days-thats how long it's been since the last one.

And yeah, about the title... i did not know what to call this one...since i started off with 'what the fuck (WTF)', i thought that was a cool title....its always inauspicious to start off with a title-less entry in a new year...ask the Chinese.

I will give you excuses for not blogging for 355 days soon... give me some ideas. Atleast some comments...

i can help you with the comments part...try 'GOOD', 'AMAZING BLOG JB', or my favorite one - 'I MISSED YOU, I AM A VIRGIN,I LIKE YOU'RE WRITING...I LIVE ALONE, CALL ME ON *******. BTW, I HAVE EPIC TITS!!!'

I could write a blog on fantasy comments....



JB signin off...

Monday, April 16, 2007

The Fast and the Fucked : Manipal Drift

Sitting in the railway station...reading the word English,Hindi and Kannada.wondering what is which sound in the writing in Kannada.

waiting for the Netravadi Express...30mins still left for the train...

It's still there fresh in my head.the first time i came to meet up with Arun,Vin-Dee,Jeeps...all of my really amazing friends from forever.

day1.I reach by 8am in the 10 we borrow a car from Arun and Vin-dee's friend(mistake no1).A golden Santro...THE GOLDEN SANTRO.

Immediately we all decide to leave to Suratkal...lemme tell you a little about this nice sleepy town....

This is a nice place in South Karnataka,SECULAR India which is generally very sleepy and is also home to NIT.Oh! I almost forgot...This place in the recent past witnessed terrible killings and riots in a very religious way.

As I was saying immediately we all decide to leave to Suratkal to meet up with the other half of our gang.Two beers and a breezer later,(NOTE:The driver did not drink at all)we reach there.Everyone was too busy PRACTICING for some music show in Mangalore.(the place I would soon hate)

Since all the others were too busy practicing we decided to do something more interesting(mistake no2).

Hence we set off to Mangalore (''why the fuck?''everyone who reads this blog would ask at the end of it).

Almost reached outside Suratkal and was happily overtaking passing vehicles...nothing out of the ordinary,if u are used to Indian roads.Going at normal highway speeds.Everything was going ok.

Then It happened....

We were overtaking a bike and then the biker came closer to us at the same time.Then his mirror scraped the side of the car...

Vin-Dee and Mee(not in unison but together and after the thud sound) :FUCK! We hit the motherfucker.

Arun:What do we do?

MeE: FLY! (Mistake no3)

Arun and Vin-Dee:Wtf??????????


Vin-Dee:Man,shouldn't we stop and check whether the guy is alright??

MeE:Fuck him man(sounds inconsiderate...but i was shit scared...dint wanna get killed in the hands of VHP-which stands for Vishwa Hindu Parishad...and the minute and least important factor that i was a Muslim)...just drive fast Arun...real fast...

Vin-Dee : Man the guy has his hands outstretched into the air and looks like he is bleeding,i think we should stop man...

Unluckily,the decision was to fly (not unanimous...hey this ain't no democracy)

MeE : Fuck it man, we too far to even think of stopping (maximum of 150m away from the incident)

Arun (after some F1 style driving and a few kilometers away from the place):I think we safe man...

Vin-Dee (he is least listened to,implying mistake no4) : I think there is a bike following us.

Arun and MeE : Naah...they just normal bikers (who later look like menacing VHP activists)

Next , a scene from a Hindi movie...the bike cuts us off at a fork..and tells us to park the car on the side.The of them is a sorta plump guy who supposedly has a kind smile(the retarded sorta) and had an army cut,mostly 1mm of hair all over his head...but at that instant he radiated pure evil.The other guy was a wiry dude...dark...with curly nigga hair,the sorta fuck who would tie u up,rape your mom,steal everything from home,and burn it down anyway.

Vin-Dee : We fucked for sure...
They gonna beat the crap outta us...

MeE thinking : FLY again....(thank God that this thought was not voiced...otherwise mistake no5)

We park on the side...Arun rolls down his window.The wiry fuck puts his hand in and tries to take the key(very much unsuccessfully).

After a small talk (read:Order/monologue/dictatorship) we decide to go meet the hit (in the hit and run case) at a secret,undisclosed location...Sathyaji's(Communal leader) house.We would reach there and get to see Sathyaji...

Till we got there we tried to do some small polite small talk (which would basically keep his train of thought away from the book titled 1001 Ways to Torture People Mowing NRI's).

So we basically asked him what he did for a living.''I am a social worker...and so is the one you horrendously mauled''

REWIND!Social worker???FUCK!That means he belongs to an extremist fundamentalist party.And he had a bright blood red teeka on his forehead.Implying the three letters i love to hate VHP.

So one of us basically asked him in plain language if he belonged to VHP and he said yes.

Due to an immediate brainstorm I say ''Even Arun is in the VHP''(attempt to make sure that we have at least one limb left to beg or something like that)

Random thoughts at the defining moments before entering Sathyaji's compound...

Vin-Dee : We are gonna get beaten up.

MeE : I am gonna get beaten up more...I'm a Muslim.


Vin-Dee(hence proclaimed the bravest amongst us) steps out of the car,followed by Arun and finally me...thoughts such as ''I'm not supposed to even be here''...''what the fuck have we brought ourselves into this time?''...''why meeeeeee??''...''can i just leave Arun and go back to Kerala?''...were swirling around my head...OK!Agreed that i am a freaking coward

''Sathyaji...'' the plump one called out...he was no where to be seen...

''Maybe he just got swallowed by the earth...lets go back...maybe he fell into the well...lets go back'' I kept saying to myself.

Sathya-ji came out and behold! There came our angel in the form of a baniyan and lungi clad human being with a 1mm uniform hair cut.

He looked like a nice person...even if he wasn't at least he did not slap on our faces upon our outstretched necks ever so ready to receive them...he was a darling.

By this time I was reborn as Ravindran Kumar...I would like Baba Amte...or maybe Lal Krishna Advani...but all time favorite was Dhirubhai Ambani...but alas I was christened as Ravindran Kumar...sheeesh, even my fake name sounds mallu.

Time : 2 'o clockish.

MeE and Vin-Dee (for the millionth time): Paisa is not a matter...any amount we shall give (where the fuck from?).Jus let us go...we are students.

If we could shed some tears and stuff like that,i swear all of us would have wailed at the top of our lungs.
In between comes the SI(Superindent of Police) to Sathya-ji's house on black TVS
Apache to enquire about the ''Law and Order'' situation.

FUCK!We will get fucked least now...

But Sathya-ji told him that the situation was under control and did not need any police intervention because we had come to the decision that we were going to pay for the Fuck's medical expenses.

But still, he walked towards hand on his holster,the other hand adjusting his hat (well ummm...I don't think he had a hat,so wiping his sweat off his bald head).Dust flew around us...tumbleweeds rolled along....

Then for a second the sun shone brighter than ever,the glare off his bald head blinding me more than what the apache could ever do...the glare blinded us...just the silhouette we could see...he reached for his holster and took something out...and walked towards us.After coming close enough for us to realize that he did not use deo,he put his hand into his shirt pocket,took a pen out placed it on the notepad and bam! fired the first question...

''Tumhare paas DL hai?''(do u have a driving license?)

''Kiska gaadi hai?''(whose car is this?)

''Gaadi ka paper dikhao''(show me the papers of the car)

''Telephone number dedo''(give me your telephone numbers)

Then he left dreaming of calling us up late at night stroking parts of his body...

Finally the Maulee is brought to the secret undisclosed location...(sombre music plays in the background)
Sympathy flowed through our veins the second the guy limped his sorry ass into the compound of the house.He looked very much thinner than before we hit him...sheesh,loss of blood makes you thin.

His name was Keshiv...which we lovingly transformed to Keshiv-ji when he was around and pure and soulful expletives when he couldn't hear.He had just got first aid and nothing much was wrong with him other than the fact that he lost some skin and was limping(hey,that might not be us,maybe a freaking birth defect or a mutation).

So we took him to the doctor,Doctor Bhandarkar in our golden Santro.Took a few X-Rays and then came the really good and sophisticated bad news...

''Looks like there is an internal bone problem here...seems like his bone tip chipped off at the joint'' said Dr.Bhandarkar.

''Hey,maybe he was born with that'' I thought.

''You will have to go for an MRI scan'' he said.

''Isnt that for cancer??'' I thought.

''That is going to cost you a lot''said the doctor.

''Hmmm...a lot is well 900bucks is a lot,isn't it?''I thought.

''The MRI scan will cost around Rs5000 and if what i strongly believe is the case,he will require a complicated surgery,the whole thing coming to lets say,approximately Rs28000 - 30000'' said he.

There are times in your life when you wish that you would be just standing and a huge huge bird would come and swoop you away and drop you somewhere far away where the element of trouble does not exist.

And trust me,this is such a time.

On hearing this,the three of us fainted...I strongly believe one of us tried slashing his wrists with a blade...

Then he came up with a solution...Claim Insurance.Sounds simple doesn't it?Well considering that the car wasn't ours and the fact that this car is on the hitlist of Manipal Police and losing of credibility everywhere,this was not that simple anymore.

Then he came up with an even better solution...why don't we put someone else's car/bike?None of us owned a vehicle...and no one wanted to put their vehicles in the station for a few court case and all the fuss that comes along with the package,even that did not work.

Went back to Sathya-ji's house and sat in the compound for another 1 hour or so.

Since we were men of our words(plus shit scared),we agreed to this and decided to go for an MRI scan at KMC Mangalore...after all,we were responsible for what we did...we hit the guy,we almost killed him,we told him we will take care of him...

Always been in shit throughout our lives...we were overtly confident that we could get out of this mess...

And with our hearts heavy and shit worried we set off to Mangalore,ironically; our initial destination...the orange rays of the sun shone upon us...

there was light at least...

to be continued....


JB signin off...

Sunday, April 15, 2007

AddiTions To tHE bLoG

Well... i have added two more page elements, one which i found on the web and is basically a cool thing you can use to waste time for a while... its called the NEWSMAKERS, basically type in a couple of names seperated by commas in the space provided and you can get the number of news mentions from the recent past and uptil today.I got this from here.Another addditional element is the newsbar Google provides.

Have fun using the Newsmakers tool and reading the this space...wait for an update very soon...sooner than you think...wait for

The Fast and Fucked : Manipal Drift

Seasons greetings


JB signin off...