creative drought

Nothin much to write these days... totally bummed out by the creative drought...
So this wnderful idea clicks me that i am gonna start posting my journal entries onto my blog (editing out the ultra personal things..).

Now about my journal... the first one was called In My Head... I eventually misplaced it and have no idea how to find it... and o then my frnd Labi gifted me another journal typish book wih Shakespere's picture on it which i ended up calling In my Head 2(coz she was the sole person other than me who could read it... and then my cuz sis)...now since i ended up travellin a lot in idea... the part where i am studyin in india is called Quo Vadis (latin: Wheres't thou goes?)... the name being inspired from Bata and a book Ladies Coupe by Anita Nair...

SO here goes...

Date of entry : 14th June 2006
Time of entry : 2301 (IST)

A new beginning and hopefully an old ending....
First class at P.C.Thomas took place today.Not Exactly what one would call the cradle of luxury.

Rumbling of the passing train brings me back to the conversation I just had with Fatty.
Me, him , 5"... all of us have individually reached that point in life when we realize that nothing is important anymore...One of is fighting for his life every hour of the day and this makes me wonder whether anything was ever important ... my marks, my social life, my life... it makes me guilty to even lie down on this bed carefree, not thinking whether my body is screwing up ... can i hear my mom's voice tonight??

Ya Ilahi (oh! God) ,why do you test the purest amongst us?

Sometimes i wonder what if i was in fatty's place; both my kidneys failed...unable to eat, unable to drink... unable to live... a major part of every week spent in the dialysis center... injecting steroids into my body; would i have been fighting like him ?Wouldn't i have given up eons ago?

That boy.... who grew up into a man too fast... robbed of his prime...that very boy who i am damned bloody proud to call Friend is a fighter.A brave soldier through and through... fighting against all odds.I know he won't give up, his conscience won't accept defeat...

Suddenly i get the answer to the question that i asked God.....
God tests people like fatty because he knows they will make it to the other end.... to show the weaker majority how strong people can be in the wake of extreme adversitites/People like him are born fighters... a Candle in the wind.

but one can never be strong all the while... one can never be unaffected by something.He can see in the mirror that he is balding... he can see the puffiness of his face.... he can see that e has lost around 30 kgs.

But after all this he can still dream. Hats off to my man.I dream that one day i reach a million miles close to where you are friend.
Someday i am gonna be you, i will be able to plan our trip to kodaikanal when my kidneys are bust...

My tribute to you fatty ... keep fightin bro...

JB signin off...
MeE

Self imposed Exile...

Recenlty not posted... because of two main reasons and tons of underlying ones (non important like GETTING used to indian toilets)... yeah the main reasons...
1) blogging reminded me of all that i am missin at the moment... life for an example...
2)and the people who i blog for do not seem to be interested/are unable to access what i blog...

and now why i am bloggin??i realized that life can have multiple faces... and also that writing is my main passion so i just cant stop doing that because no one seems to be reading what i write...

2 months are over since i left all... dear and near...
2 months since i saw any of ur faces....

Yes! I miss you... i miss u all dearly... but ive accepted that it is not that hard to miss all of you guys and still live on...

Its really weird how people turn out to be when they are away from u... they promise the world when they are with you and tell you that whatever feelings they have for you at the moment... the same feelings are promised forever... may it be love... may it be friendship...
All i want to ask is that why people promise what they cannot for sure fulfill?

Why give a ray of hope to the hopeless?

If you cannot love me dont do that but dont tell me you will always do just because you do at the moment...

listenin to this new song by Atif Aslam - Tere bin... amazin song it is... the song is so relaxing and emotionally unleveling at the same time... weird paradox???

I really dont have much to write today... just a whirl of thoughts spinning insde my head... no aim no home... just there and always will be there...

At this moment i remember what saad once told me and keeps telling me...

dude... u may not have a life... ur life may be incomplete ... u can definetely stop living... but in no way can u stop existing for a single moment till the date of your non existence arrives...

It makes a lot of sense... maybe he says that to me just to make me happy for a moment... its a flaw of human concept that misery loves misery as company... but nevertheless it is totally true... not a bit wrong.

mixed up blog... yet to be published

Life going on... or rather Existence in progress.

JB

Mee signin off....