Adieu...

10 days have passed since I came... I'm going back tomorrow.

Writing that one line took me about 15mins... 15 whole minutes just because I had to accept it before I even wrote it down... It seems so hard to accept the simplest of things in life I sometimes feel...

But these ten days have been amazing… so much amazing that I don’t remember how it even got over…I owe it to this beautiful city...and I owe it to the buggers who I call “FRIENDS” who makes up for the beauty in the city…

Back to Majra, Jabal al Noor, Paan Gally (both Karama and Bur Dubai),the creek (at least parts of it), Abra (maybe not with the people I end up normally there), Saad’s place (but this time with his folks around), Rashid’s place, City Center (a special mention of Cinestar)…

But I don’t know, these days feel like a single moment… everything seems to have happened in a blink of an eye…they feel so much like this that sometimes I pray to god that I am not dreaming…

I thought while coming here that I am going to go back really cool because I have done this once…but I realized that it is not easy…

How I realized before is the day Saad left…I did not go to the airport this time… but we went for lunch at his place…and I decided to leave earlier than planned (about ½ an hour earlier) and while saying bye to him I felt how heavy his heart was…it was back to square one…back to April… memories that were like deep wounds bled again…

Walking back… me and Rashid did not look at each other… both hastily wiping a tear away thinking that both of us can’t see each other...

Every stage of my life has a song attached to it…these days I spent here has one song Bas Ek Pal from the movie Bas Ek Pal…the line Tu Ek baar jo Pyaar se Mujhko choo le tho har zakhm bar jayega seems so fitting… I came to this city and then all my pain all my hurt that have been inside me for a long time were all gone within a second…now I feel that Dubai has a spirit (ok.. I think I must be sleepy/drunk)

What makes this city different from any place? Two things…one is the friends around here…another is the feeling of Apnapan…

I came, I saw, I conquered said Alexander the Great (if not him then Jay-Z) once…and I wish I could be like him… for me it would be like I came, I saw, I got Conquered…

Thank you friends for making this an amazing stay…thank you for staying beyond curfew for watching a movie…thank you for lying at home about your college timings (now you got to hatch eggs in college for 2 hrs almost everyday this whole sem!)…thank you for staying on the phone with me even though you had loads of work to do the next morning…thank you for driving around and getting lost (and yeah the petrol!)…thank you for crossing Garhoud Bridge wearing high heels…

I am going to miss u a lot…I am going to miss you all a lot…feeling too overwhelmed…

Wrote some crap…said thank yous like I won an Oscar…claimed that Dubai has a spirit…

I end this blog with a message sent to me by Saad before he left…

Keep the smile ,leave the tear
Think of Joy, forget the fear
Hold the laugh, leave the pain
Be joyous till we meet again.

JB signing off…
MeE

Together we lived!

Realization happens slowly (at an atomic scale mostly) in my life.... sadly...
I love my folks... especially my little brother... and mostly love my dad n mom all the time (especially when im not with them) but i cannot stand these two people for more than a week at a stretch...

I guess its the same with them.They were all lovey-dovey from the day that i am here but the "loviness" and "doviness" seems to be evaporating as days go by... i guess its the freaking heat...

At times i end up wishing "God, why cant i live in a hostel with my homies in Dubai (preferably in the palm right beside those casinos comin up)??"

But then i realize - you can't bake the cake and eat it as well... either you are too poor to eat it or maybe your folks bought some frnds over.. or you might be just too fat to be eating the cake.Anyways you wont get to eat the cake and if none of these the cake you baked sucks way too beyond eatability (then u feed it to the dog).

But sometimes i imagine how my hostel life in dubai is gonna be...

Imagine my room... i mean my room with the charsi's... there wouldn't be a bed at all... we are going to replace all furniture with cartons and cartons of cigarettes. 3 inches of ash settled all over the place. Our study table (thats where Ahmer and anuja make out once they are bored of the beds... the word study is namesake) would be the only reminder of our actual job description (student)... fag filled nights (wait...what about the days??).. all of us broke...

let me just exemplify a typical day b/w me and my homz...

its a brand new week of schooling/colleging (whatever... we wouldn't know even then) and I am getting dressed... its 08:45... coll starts at 9:00 rashid, saad and ahmer are sleepin... wait... there is some one else in ahmer's bed...let us hope its anuja...

its 08:55, i am having my 11th cig since i woke up (damn im cutting down... broke i am forever)...

"should i wake these bastards up??" i wonder taking a deep puff .

I finally go against my spidey senses... (anyways the weed has disconnected my synapses) and wake em all up... they all get dressed within 5 mins... pop a pack of EXTRA's into their shitholes/mouth...and all of pile into someone's car (petrol is not a question... in my story cars are cheaper than cigs... and it runs on cigarette butts)

RASHID: Arrey Malbari, i dint take my books man... shud we go today ???
MeE : Listen Kaalia... u don't have books, i dont, no one does...maybe miti has ... we never did, so since when did u start forgetting man ??
Saad: Listen guys, college is important... but we have a reputation man... we cant go to college man...
Ahmer: Slurp smooch slurp
Anuja : slurp smooch slurp
Miti : FAAAAAAAAAAAAAART (she is gujju, normally gujju's do nothing but fart)

After about 15 mins of heated debate and 2 cigarettes later we all decide to go to college...

MeE : Be thankful to me bloody assholes for taking you guys to college... otherwise all of you bastards are gonna flunk a year or whatever they call it in college...
RASHID : Whatever Mishal... now we gotta go to college and the teacher must meet us for the first time in 6 months... man... this sucks man!!
Saad : _________________ (something in Urdu a Malbari never understands but nods his head neverthless...mostly lifted off from a JAL or Atif Aslam song.. and paraphrased to sound like his own... fuck man piracy sucks...)
Ahmer and Anuja : Slurp... mmmph...smoooch....
Miti : _____________ ( a silent fart)

Rashid starts driving (finally) nearly kills 31 labourers (3 more than prom night...yeaaahooooo!)... goes right through 3 roundabouts (he still cant get that you are supposed to go AROUND a roundabout)
and then a brainwave happens...

RASHID : Does anybody know the way to college ???
MeE and SAAD : (blank expressions)
Ahmer : Does anybody have a spare condom?

Sometimes in life u realize that somethings are not meant to be... especially going to college together... even of we enrol in college together, i am sure we never are going to end up there together...sometimes i feel God is actually been good to us by keepin us all apart... It's all written in the stars people...

MeE
JB signin off...

I'm Back... Where?

Memories sometimes behave in crazy ways…
when you are in a crowd they leave you alone,
when you are alone they stand along with you like a crowd

These words make a lot of sense to me.

Finally back in Dubai…for a few days, finally back to Dubai where even breathing is an exhilarating experience (according to Saad whose here after 6 months)…

I had come here with so many plans… majra… jabal al noor… long walks at the creek… all I have executed up to some degree… but the villain in my life is still is my sub conscious… not allowing me to enjoy myself completely… not allowing me to feel the pulse of the world around me…my sub conscious telling me why create new memories when it still hurts to think of the old ones?

The other day I went to the place along with my friends which me and my ex girlfriend used to call “OURS”… and just couldn’t talk for a while… frames of hours we (me and my gal or rather EX) spent there played like a movie… everything just flashed past my eyes…I took a mental note that I am never returning to that place ever again in my life… no matter how beautiful it is…or rather how beautiful it was… It hurts to even remember these days…

People are always people… always letting you down… keeping distance away from you… some people you thought were always by your side… now you realize that they were never by your side. Some you expected to be just a small tile in the mosaic of your memories end up always by your side…

This is when I think it is apt to say Life Screws us all.

Something about being back doesn’t seem right I feel at times… its like I am looking into a pond… but the water is not clear… I don’t see the bottom. Maybe it is just that I know I have to go back to where I don’t belong once again…back to the home…now I think I am contradicting myself…

They said life was a journey…a journey of happiness…but is this happiness? Anyways whose happiness did they mean…Mine…Or the people around me?

So many things feel incomplete…things I thought I wrapped up…feelings I thought I dealt with, they seem to be returning these days, striking me slow… killing me…or rather killing me softly (as the fugees once said).

No one should care for anybody ever I realize (slowly… again). Don’t ever give a fuck about anyone. Live for one’s bloody self. Because with caring comes hurt. With caring comes pain. One might say “with caring comes happiness/love…” but I think that all these words are synonyms…love/pain/happiness/grief…all mean the bloody same thing anyway. All end up wounding one’s soul. What is the use if all the roads lead to the same destination?

I’m alive once again…but every action has an equal and opposite reaction…

JB signin off...
MeE