I'm Back... Where?

Memories sometimes behave in crazy ways…
when you are in a crowd they leave you alone,
when you are alone they stand along with you like a crowd

These words make a lot of sense to me.

Finally back in Dubai…for a few days, finally back to Dubai where even breathing is an exhilarating experience (according to Saad whose here after 6 months)…

I had come here with so many plans… majra… jabal al noor… long walks at the creek… all I have executed up to some degree… but the villain in my life is still is my sub conscious… not allowing me to enjoy myself completely… not allowing me to feel the pulse of the world around me…my sub conscious telling me why create new memories when it still hurts to think of the old ones?

The other day I went to the place along with my friends which me and my ex girlfriend used to call “OURS”… and just couldn’t talk for a while… frames of hours we (me and my gal or rather EX) spent there played like a movie… everything just flashed past my eyes…I took a mental note that I am never returning to that place ever again in my life… no matter how beautiful it is…or rather how beautiful it was… It hurts to even remember these days…

People are always people… always letting you down… keeping distance away from you… some people you thought were always by your side… now you realize that they were never by your side. Some you expected to be just a small tile in the mosaic of your memories end up always by your side…

This is when I think it is apt to say Life Screws us all.

Something about being back doesn’t seem right I feel at times… its like I am looking into a pond… but the water is not clear… I don’t see the bottom. Maybe it is just that I know I have to go back to where I don’t belong once again…back to the home…now I think I am contradicting myself…

They said life was a journey…a journey of happiness…but is this happiness? Anyways whose happiness did they mean…Mine…Or the people around me?

So many things feel incomplete…things I thought I wrapped up…feelings I thought I dealt with, they seem to be returning these days, striking me slow… killing me…or rather killing me softly (as the fugees once said).

No one should care for anybody ever I realize (slowly… again). Don’t ever give a fuck about anyone. Live for one’s bloody self. Because with caring comes hurt. With caring comes pain. One might say “with caring comes happiness/love…” but I think that all these words are synonyms…love/pain/happiness/grief…all mean the bloody same thing anyway. All end up wounding one’s soul. What is the use if all the roads lead to the same destination?

I’m alive once again…but every action has an equal and opposite reaction…

JB signin off...
MeE